Read time:
With the vibe of Valentine’s Day in the air, it’s tempting to try to woo a potential date with a romantic text.
Well, don’t push send on that heartfelt message just yet.
That’s according to CNU Professor Dr. David Roaché. He recently conducted research showing you have a better chance of making a love connection via text if you use artificial intelligence (AI) to help you find the right words.
Turns out, humans overcomplicate messaging, while Siri and her AI counterparts simplify it and make their point clearly and more effectively. Artificial intelligence is proving to be a pro at love language, stringing together convincingly tender words.
To reach this conclusion, Roaché’s research compared messages written by AI with those created by people. Hands down, AI had more persuasive wording. This was the case for messages written exclusively by AI or when humans edited the AI message suggestions.
“AI messages had more positive emotion,” said Roaché, assistant professor in the Department of Communication Studies. “We measured the effectiveness of a text for getting a person to know that someone wanted to spend time with them.”
And the research decidedly showed that technology can be a powerful romantic wingman.
“If used effectively, AI can be a great resource! Whether it is for suggesting ideas or as a sounding board for date request messages you’ve written on your own, AI can help you navigate the early stages of a new relationship,” Roaché said.
For example, here are two texts that were studied as part of Roaché’s research, one written by a person and one created by AI:
"Hi, how are you? I was wondering if you’d be interested in going out to dinner this weekend? My treat!"
"Hey there! I’ve been thinking about getting to know you better and was wondering if you’d like to grab coffee or dinner sometime this week?"
Which one was drafted by AI? The answer, in case you’re baffled, is the second one.
Now, for the modified version that combined the best of both word worlds - AI and human - to construct a convincing message:
“Would you be interested in grabbing coffee/dinner with me sometime? I’d love the chance to get to know you better and share some great conversation.”
The research, done in collaboration with Dr. Lindsey Hicks, assistant professor of Psychology at CNU, came into play after Roaché began noticing the explosion of AI in mainstream communication.
“We cannot ignore how it shapes our interactions and relationships. I have always believed that technology can be a force of good in human relationships, so I wanted to test that optimism about AI against the fundamental need to form relationships,” he said.
The CNU study involved 168 adults who completed a date request message task where they were instructed to outsource the task to AI, modify the message from AI, or craft the message on their own. Hands down, AI was deemed the winner of words.
“Objective judges rated AI-generated messages as more effective, affiliative, and explicit than human messages. When accounting for message readability, human messages were rated by participants and objective judges as less effective than AI-generated messages at average and high readability," the study found.
As AI is used more frequently, Roaché said, it is critical that people understand how it fits into their lives and their ability to better communicate.
“Our research is important because it reframes the conversation from a human versus AI debate to one of collaboration,” he said. “Our objectives for human connection remain unchanged, and AI can help us optimize our language choices better to achieve them. Our desire to start, maintain, and grow relationships persists, but how we do that is evolving with technology, including AI.”
The research, Roaché added, is meant to shed light on AI and the positives it can bring to day-to-day communication and, in turn, the dating game.
“I hope our findings challenge the prevailing narrative that new technology is inherently detrimental to human connection. Just as online dating was once viewed as taboo but is now the norm for many adults, I believe AI can function as a co-pilot for new romantic connections. Ultimately, I want this research to show how AI can be a powerful tool for navigating the complexities of beginning a new romantic relationship,” he said.
As AI is now part of the everyday landscape, it's important that people learn how to embrace it while also fundamentally understanding its purposes, potential consequences, and benefits, according to McKenzie Hurley, ‘25 Communication Studies, who also collaborated with Roaché on the study.
“Socially, technology has been changing the game for decades. I just think now, we can look to AI on almost any platform to understand social situations or functions, such as asking someone out. Obviously, it won’t do it for you, but it could be helpful in understanding what might be the appropriate response or process for someone who has never been exposed to such situations,” said Hurley, who is now in graduate school at Penn State.
Roaché’s research brings to mind the Cyrano Effect, which refers to when an individual's words appear to be theirs but are actually being fed to them in real time by a hidden third party. The effect is based on the play, “Cyrano de Bergerac,” in which Cyrano writes love letters to a woman named Roxanne for his co-conspirator Christian to pass off as his own. After spending time with Christian, however, Roxanne became suspicious that his words did not match his in-person verbiage.
In the case of the CNU research, there is the possibility of the same scenario occurring, but with the third party being technology. A recipient may be impressed by AI texts, but then confused when they meet their date and the wording from the texts don’t quite match his or her personality and style.
The result, Roaché said, can mimic what happened to Cyrano.
“It runs the risk of disappointing the person,” Roaché said of when the dialogue moves from the phone screen to an in-person meeting.
That is why it is critical for potential suitors to combine their words with AI’s, creating a hybrid love letter scenario, and not depending on technology to write the entire script.
“The key takeaway for Valentine’s Day: Don’t just copy and paste the AI output,” Roaché said. “Instead, edit the AI-generated response to sound more like you. This will be the most effective way to sound authentic and increase your chance of getting a ‘yes’ to your Valentine’s Day date request.”